Sep 13, 2012 1:15am PDT
convention was a never-ending train of friends of the report. to name just a few-- first lady michelle obama. san antonio mayor julian castro. new york mayor corey booker. education secretary arne duncan. singer/songwriter james taylor. even the symbol of our country, the american flag. how could you betray me like that, flagworth. i should string you up on a pole. ( laughter ) folks, all of these people were on my show and, therefore, received the coveted colbert bump. and the success, the success of the dem convention can mean only one thing-- the bump has gone rogue. ( laughter ) i've lost control of it. now, folks, i prayed this day would never come, but evidently, even god was powerless to stop the bump. probably because he's never gotten it. come on my show, mr. god! ( cheers and applause ) now, answer my calls. never answers. now i know what you're thinking, stephen, you created the bump. surely you can take it away from these democrats. no, it's not that simple. you see, all bumps operate on the same frequency. it's just like wifi-- only you can't tuz to watch porn at starbucks.